I’m notoriously bad about marking up my storyboards with dialog, shot descriptions, and notes. Notorious in that I don’t ever do it. So the script we were provided is below:
INT. SUBWAY TUNNEL — NIGHT
ZIPPY, 22, leans against the wall looking around nervously. He holds a crumpled paper bag in his hand.
He straightens up when he sees JOSHUA, 25 come around the corner. Joshua walks up to Zippy and they shake hands. Joshua motions to the paper bag?
Yeah, this is it, you got the money or what?
Joshua reaches into his pocket and pulls out an envelope. Zippy eyeballs Joshua but doesn’t make a move.
Well, you gonna give it to me.
There’s been a change in plans. We got another offer, the price has gone up five hundred.
Joshua’s hands crunch into fists and he gets a wild look in his eye. Zippy takes a couple of steps backwards. Joshua calms himself.
Well, if you got a better offer, than maybe you should take it.
Zippy looks dumbfounded.
I’d really rather work with you.
In that case, the price has gone down five hundred.
Joshua reaches into the envelope, pulls out a gun and aims it at Zippy.
Aw, come on man…
Joshua snatches the bag from Zippy and slowly walks backward, still pointing the gun at Zippy.
Zippy suddenly pulls out a gun. Gunfire is exchanged and both
Zippy and Joshua lie dead.
A subway rushes by, a mass of people exit the subway and pay no attention to the two dead drug dealers.
This is a revised version, I was given an A on both the initial and revision.© Copyright 2012 John Hill, All rights Reserved. Written For: Awesometania